Trolling with Grimmjow
by Rogue Assasin
Summary: Join Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez on his very own talk show where he'll be; you guessed it, trolling well known TV shows, movies, other anime shows and well just about anything he wants to troll. He'll be joined by other Bleach cast members but of course the blue kitty cat is the star of the show. I own none of the characters in this fic, I simply enjoy using them. Enjoy!
1. Vampire Expiries

**Trolling with Grimmjow**

**A/N: Join Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez on his very own talk show where he'll be; you guessed it, trolling well known TV shows, movies, other anime shows and well just about anything he wants to troll. He'll be joined by other Bleach cast members but of course the blue kitty cat is the star of the show. I own none of the characters in this fic, I simply enjoy using them. Enjoy!**

**Episode 1 – Vampire Expiries (Yep we're trolling Vampire Diaries – what a waste of good characters)**

***Theme music 'Gangsta's Paradise' begins to play while Grim swaggers onto the set (A/N: I don't know this song seems so Grimmjow to me)***

**Grimmjow: "**As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

I take a look at my life and realize there's nothin' left

Cause I've been blasting and laughing so long,  
That even my mama thinks that my mind is gone  
But I ain't never crossed a man that didn't deserve it  
Me be treated like a punk you know that's unheard of  
You better watch how you're talking and where you're walking  
Or you and your homies might be lined in chalk  
I really hate to trip but I gotta loc  
As they croak, I see myself in the pistol smoke, fool  
I'm the kinda G the little homies wanna be like  
On my knees in the night saying prayers in the streetlight"(

**Rangiku: **We get it you're hot shit; don't we have a show to do?

**Grimmjow: **You mean don't we have my show to do, and thanks for the compliment; I am hot shit ***Some fan girl screams and faints***

**Rangiku:** So we have on the show today the cast of Vampire Diaries; Stefan, Elena, Damon, Bonnie, Jeremy and Caroline.

**Grimmjow:** Are any of them strong?

**Rangiku:** You're not here to fight them; the point of a talk show is to talk to them….

**Grimmjow:** What! That isn't what you told me ***glares at Rogue***

**Rogue:** I said I had the opportunity for you to have your own show – I didn't specify what show and you didn't ask ***sticks tongue out at Grimmjow and runs away***

**Grimmjow:** Weakling!

**Rangiku:** Hey get back here I want a show too! A cooking show *runs after me*

**Uryu:** Please spare us.

**Grimmjow:** What are you doing here?

**Uryu:** Rangiku isn't the most reliable so Captain Unohana thought I should join in

**Grimmjow:** Aint she dead?

**Uryu:** The miracle of fanfiction, you never really die

**Grimmjow:** I think I might like this fanfiction

**Uryu:** Until it burns you ***shudders thinking of all the Ichigo / Uryu slash out there*** don't you have guests to bring out?

**Grimmjow:** Yeah… we welcome Broody brows (Stefan), emo guy (Damon), small tits girl (Elena)

**Elena:** Hey my tits are not small!

**Grimmjow:** Midget girl (Bonnie) and big tits (Caroline)

**Caroline:** I object to being objectified!

**Damon:** Well you have been passed around like an object to almost every male in Mystique Falls

**Grimmjow:** It's not like your girlfriend(s) were any better; this one hopped into bed with you right after dumping your brother

**Stefan:** You bastard! ***Launches himself at Damon and Grimmjow joins the fight***

**Uryu:** It's a talk show Grimmjow and you're the host; stop fighting and host. ***Caroline helps Uryu separate the Salvatore brothers***

**Jeremy:** You kind of forgot about me.

**Rogue:** Just die ***shoots Jeremy in the face***

**Rangiku:** Hey I thought there was no violence, now come back here and lets talk about my show… ***runs after Rogue again***

**Grimmjow:** Well that blows she got to kill someone, I want to kill too ***Looks at Damon***

**Uryu:** Well it's not like his character has much purpose, he didn't even exist in the books. Elena had a little sister… though I suppose Jeremy could qualify as a little sister….

**Grimmjow: *Toes Jeremy's head*** someone clean this shit up before my floors get stained.

**Bonnie:** Hey don't treat my boyfriend like that.

**Grimmjow:** The motherfucker's dead unless you're into necromancy… in which case; I'm kinda dead I can be in you….

**Uryu:** That is unacceptable! ***Pushes glasses up his nose and blushes* **you cannot molest the guests.

**Elena:** Why is no one talking to me?

**Grimmjow:** Because you SUCK, you suck the life out of the show. What kind of normal woman would bang her boyfriend's brother who was firstly attracted to her because she looked like his ex, killed her brother, almost killed her best friend, sexually molested and abused her other best friend, screwed her mom then turned her into a vampire, tried to murder her father a few times, killed her best friend's grandmother, turned her best friend's mother into a vampire… the list goes on and you keep forgiving him like the attention seeking hoe bag you are

**Damon:** Lay off my woman

**Bonnie:** Well, it's not like what he said isn't true…

**Grimmjow:** You're just as pathetic, you're the chick who kills herself for that selfish vindictive manipulative bitch Elena every single season, why? Don't you have any brain cells in that empty space between your ears?

**Stefan:** I'm happy, anyone else happy ***grins and looks down Elena and Bonnie***

**Bonnie:** Hey I'm barely on the show why grill my ass?

**Uryu:** Well you did sleep with Jeremy who really brought you down in the writer's eyes; she holds Rebecca, Hayley and Caroline higher than all of you now.

**Rogue:** Klaus should have killed all your pansy asses when he had the chance; by the way Damon Marcel is a shit load hotter than you and I'm burning my Team Damon everything seeing as you turned into Stefan once you started dating that walking STD Elena.

**Damon:** What's with all the hate? I am a perfect male specimen; there is no woman living or otherwise who doesn't want this.

**Elena:** I'm a vampire, vampires don't get STDs

**Rogue:** Now Rukia!

**Rukia: *Stakes Elena*** that's for being a bad example to growing female minds. Listen boys and girls being in a toxic relationship where you resort to self-harm or harming others is not healthy; if you are in a toxic relationship – walk away; you'll be doing yourself a favour, don't rely on a hero; be your own hero.

**Caroline:** Well… I guess we don't have to keep looking over our shoulders now, most of the villains we run from are, well were generally after her…

**Grimmjow:** Coming back to me ***Threatens cameraman*** Stefan why mope after that idiot doppelganger when Caroline is right there in front of you for the taking? ***licks lips at Caroline***

**Rangiku:** I know this one! It's because people prefer Caroline with Klaus.

**Rogue:** That's just it; Klaus should be with Caroline, Damon with Bonnie

**Bonnie:** I hate him!

**Rogue:** Shut up, I'm still doing a fic with you and him and you're about to have a baby in it.

**Grimmjow:** Are these one of that dangers of fanfiction and the authors?

**Uryu:** You should look up GrimmIchi fics and fanart… and you'll realize the depth of their depravity….

**Rogue:** As I was saying; Jeremy should find a corner and die and take his precious Matt and Jeremy with him. Stefan should be with Rebecca and Elena and Katherine should go screw their doppelganger selves.

**Grimmjow:** You have it all planned out…

**Rogue:** IchiRuki and Bamon for life bitches.

**Damon and Bonnie:** Would people stop pairing us up!

**Uryu:** Well you do need someone to keep you in check and punish you, Elena; well Elena doesn't have anything going for her, she's just another Bella clone. A plain girl who everyone would give their lives for, for no specific reason. I don't get it.

**Grimmjow:** Well that's most teen shows today, 16 and pregnant, Jersey Shore, My Super sweet 16… I think I'm starting to feel sick.

**Uryu:** Humanity is screwed

**Rangiku:** Which is why I'm glad I'm a Soul Reaper.

**Uryu:** and I'm a Quincy

**Grimmjow:** Hollow

**Damon, Caroline, Stefan:** vampires

**Bonnie:** No fucking clue what I am except dead

**Everyone looks at Rogue**: What I'm a fanfic author, I have ascended human.

**Grimmjow:** My pale hollow ass!

**Rogue**: What a fine ass it is

**Uryu:** That is inappropriate

**Rangiku:** You are such a shrew… come on I have a recipe that will loosen you right up

**Uryu: *Runs away***

**Grimmjow:** I guess that's the end of my first show. Now you ***looks at Damon* **I don't like your face I'm going to kick your ass!

***Curtain closes as Damon and Grimmjow start breaking furniture in their tussle***

**Eye of the tiger plays**

* * *

**Rogue:** Well how was that?

**Grimmjow:** Not that satisfying, I want more fighting

**Ichigo:** It's a talk show! It's about talk

**Rukia:** Not if it's like Jerry Springer

**Ichigo:** Don't give that crazy author ideas

**Uryu:** You shouldn't call authors crazy here have you seen how many fics have you carrying Grimmjow's spawn!

**Grimmjow:** What the fuck! I'm a hollow we don't procreate! Even if we did; we're both men

**Rangiku:** They don't seem to care, they even have Byakuya and Aizen reaming out Ichigo's ass

**Ichigo:** I need to lie down….

**Grimmjow:** Listen you sick bastards, I want to fuck up the carrot top not fuck him and if you love me you'll put me in fics where I kill this bastard and get the bitches. Peace out.


	2. Winx

**Episode 2 – Winx**

***Ganasta's paradise plays and Grimmjow enters the stage and a fan bra flies through the crowd and hits him in the face***

**Grimmjow: *Removes bra and grimaces* **Only clean underwear may be thrown; burn this ***tosses bra to Nemu who opens her midsection and tosses it into her built in furnace***

**Grimmjow: *Wide eyed*** I didn't know she was a robot.

**Rogue:** She isn't, that psychotic clown experiments on her and that bullshit Soul Society allows it ***growls at the soul reapers***

**Renji:** It's not like we make the rules, go fight with Yamaji. Time for the guests

**Grimmjow: *eye twitches and he pulls at his collar* **No one told me we were having strippers on…

**Kurotsuchi:** Idiot; if you bothered to read the data supplied prior to the show you'd know that these are fairies.

**Grimmjow: *looks at the paper planes around him*** I was bored and found better use for them. Wait a sec Fairies exist?

**Rogue:** You're a ghost and you exist.

**Rangiku:** Well if these 5 girls are here you must have some reason to burn them….

**Rogue: *smirks evilly***

**Renji:** Let's just get on with this before my captain finds out I skipped work to do this stupid show

**Rogue:** If you think it's stupid; why are you here?

**Renji:** Ichigo said I couldn't handle it

**Icy:** You just got played

**Bloom:** Icy what are you doing here? Magic Winx** *music starts playing as all the winx transform***

**Grimmjow:** What the fuck is this shit? If you were in a fight with me you'd be dead by now quit the awful music and poses. Argh my ears are bleeding!

**Rangiku:** I didn't think they could look sluttier….

**Grimmjow:** Don't you usually have your valley of the boobs on display? Oh look there they are ***looks longingly at Rangiku's cleavage*** I would love to get lost in that Valley.

**Kurotsuchi:** Make that blasted music stop!

**Rogue:** Oh it takes a while…

**Icy:** Why can't I be on a show without drama queens – all I wanted was world domination….

**Grimmjow:** You and me both honey, What's your name ***Gives Icy bedroom eyes***

**Icy: *smirks and sashays to Grimmjow*** They call me Icy ***blasts Grimmjow with a little cold air***

**Grimmjow:** Maybe I should warm you up…

**Rangiku: *Hits Grimmjow on the head with the sheathed Heineko*** You have a show to do, stop seducing the guest.

**Grimmjow:** The other 5 retards are still doing the transformation dance. Are you jealous?

**Rangiku:** Puh leeze

**Rogue:** Jealousy makes you nasty

**Rangiku:** You're trying to ship us!

**Rogue:** *Looking innocently* whatever do you mean

**Bloom:** Icy I'm coming for you!

**Grimmjow:** You can't attack each other! This is a talk show. You may fight when the bell rings, without powers and in the mudpit wearing the provided attire.

**Rangiku:** Seriously Grimmjow? Why does the 'attire' look like two sets of strings with barely enough to cover their nipples or nether areas?

**Grimmjow:** It's mud appropriate

**Rogue:** You're fucking kidding me right? You do realize we're going to have to go through another one of their transformations with their shitty music

**Grimmjow:** ***Takes out camera*** Hey Nemu mind getting that watermelon tentacle monster out?

**Rangiku:** Just when I thought you couldn't get more disgusting

**Stella:** Why is no one paying attention to me?

**Rogue:** Why is it that though you're the reincarnation of Daphne; Daphne was still resurrected? ***looks at Rukia*** can one soul inhabit 2 bodies?

**Rukia:** Nope

**Grimmjow:** They're even involved with different men….

**Rogue:** I oppose Musa and Rivin!

**Musa:** What? Why?

**Rogue:** Riven and Musa don't look as good as Riven and Tecna do, I thought they were pairing Tecna with Riven initially then all off a sudden Riven's with Musa?

**Rangiku:** Plot holes and bunnies

**Rukia:** Wait did the bunny fall down a hole?

**Everyone: *face palm***

**Rogue:** Where's Ichigo when we need him?

**Renji:** Visiting Tatsuki in hospital, she got food poisoning

**Grimmjow:** Orihime?

**Renji:** Orihime

**Rangiku:** I thought it was delicious and I'm fine

**Rogue:** Maybe it has something to do with the colossal size of your boobs…

***Bell rings***

**Grimmjow:** Now put on your bikini's and get into that mud and fight!

**Bloom:** Let's transform! Winx Encantr-

**Rogue:** Now Rukia!

**Rukia:** Hakuren! ***Winx trapped in various stages of undress in ice***

**Grimmjow:** This is not fucking fair! Last time you shot someone now you've frozen the guests to death!

**Rogue:** ***Shrugs* **they had it coming, all that euro trash transformation music needed to stop.

**Icy:** Hey how come you could kill them with your ice? I've tried freezing them several times and they break out.

**Rukia:** It takes one heroine to take out another; well in this case 5. Let's be honest their fighting isn't worth shit. All they do is throw pretty colours around.

**Renji:** Did anyone else notice that they aren't fully dressed ***pulls at his collar***

**Kurotsuchi:** Nemu come here and help me take them to the soul society to study them, I would have appreciated a live specimen ***glares at Rogue***

**Rogue:** Want to find yourself in my specimen jar bitch?

**Kurotsuchi:** One day I will unlock the secret of fanfiction and then you can be a test subject.

**Grimmjow:** He's creepy

**Renji:** He's the Soul Reaper version of Szayel

**Grimmjow:** ***Whispers to Rogue*** Maybe you should burn him next….

**Rogue:** His time is coming wait until we troll bleach itself.

**Rukia:** Why would you want to troll Bleach? I thought you loved us.

**Rangiku:** Have you seen the size of our plot holes and the numerous plot bunnies?

**Rukia:** Bunnies? Where? ***Starts crawling around looking for bunnies***

**Grimmjow:** I was supposed to be dead then I'm magically alive

**Renji:** and somehow all our villains look more or less the same

**Rogue:** and the whole world of bleach ends up revolving around Ichigo. How the fuck did you survive without Ichigo for over a thousand years?

**Rangiku:** Why do you think I drink so much? Nothing makes sense

**Grimmjow:** Seeing as every disaster to befall you guys always involves Ichigo maybe you should just kill him off.

**Rukia:** Want me to turn you into a Grimmsicle like those fairies? ***crazy look in Rukia's eyes***

**Grimmjow:** Calm down… no one's going to kill Ichigo

**Rukia:** Good, only I'm allowed to kill him, now where are those bunnies?

**Rangiku:** Who gave her sugar?

**Rogue:** I think Kurotsuchi did

**Renji:** My Captain is going to bankai his ass

**Rangiku:** He'll bankai yours if you don't get back soon.

**Grimmjow:** Well I think that's the end of the show ***looks at Icy*** wanna make out?

**Icy:** Come here big boy

**Rangiku:** Oh please***Pushes Icy in the mud pool and drags Grimmjow off stage by the ear***

**Grimmjow:** My poor ear ***glares at Rangiku***

**Ichigo:** ***Walks in red faced*** Why was Kurotsuchi moving around half naked girls in ice

**Rogue:** Ask Rukia

**Rukia:** Ask Rogue

**Ichigo:** ***looks between Rogue and Rukia and sighs*** Never mind

**Grimmjow:** You didn't let me have my Jerry Springer moment

**Rangiku:** You just wanted to perve over those girls scantily clad and rolling in mud

**Grimmjow:** Not rolling, rubbing deliciously against each other and losing more clothing….

**Renji:** ***Nose bleeds*** It's a good thing Uryu isn't around…

**Rangiku:** Lose more clothing? Seriously!

**Ichigo:** ***Looks and Grimmjow and Rangiku and bumps Rukia's shoulder***

**Rukia:** Lovers spat

**Grimmjow and** **Rangiku:** We are not lovers!

**Ichigo:** Now you know how I feel

**Rogue:** So guys we've had some feedback

**Rangiku:** Yippeeee! Well give it to us

**Writophrenic:** This is as awesome idea... I love it.  
LOL... So funny, I still watch TVD and all I can say is this fic idea is genius. I kept laughing from the first sentence down to the last.  
I like how you didn't just troll TVD but also fanfiction in general (mpreg and what not)

And thumbs up for picking Grimmjow as the host...perfect choice :)

Can't wait for the next guests (show) and I hope in future you will be accepting requests from followers and stuff.

**Grimmjow:** Of course I am the perfect choice, who can be better than me? I have better hair than the other twerps.

**Rogue:** Thank you Writophrenic; yes we will be taking requests and suggestions. This is an interactive fan fic.

**Rangiku:** Just don't join the writer in her obsession to pair us up

**Rogue:** Maybe you want to be paired up… I didn't say I was pairing you up you said so yourself. Grimmjow is pretty versatile with lots of characters; Nel, Orihime and I saw one where he was paired with Rukia

**Ichigo:** I will fucking kill you

**Rangiku:** Someone is protective…

**Ichigo:** I'd protect you from him if you wanted me to but you're a big soul reaper and I'm sure you won't need my help

**Rukia:** Are you calling me weak *punches Ichigo and walks away while Ichigo runs after her*

**Rogue:** It's taking a little too long for those 2 to get their shit together…. Doesn't Ichigo have hormones and all those other things that normal guys do?

**Grimmjow:** He's part Soul Reaper, part Quincy, part hollow and I wouldn't be surprized if his grandmother turned out to be a mod soul and his great grandfather a Vizard. That's boys DNA is complicated.

**Guest:** LOL

**Rangiku:** That's it? LOL does that even mean anything?

**Grimmjow:** Well LOL to you to Honey

**Rangiku:** Uryu needs to come back; he's the voice of modesty and decency

**Rogue:** He's gay and hot for Ichigo

**Rangiku:** I thought it was Renji…

**Rogue:** Renji and Ichigo are pretty similar… and apparently they grow into Byakuya

**Grimmjow:** I thought he had the hots for Orihime

**Rangiku:** He doesn't

**Grimmjow:** You're idiots.

**Rogue:** We got a fave and a follow from darkboy18

**Rangiku:** So what are we doing next?

**Rogue:** I was thinking reality TV. Let's bash 'Honey Boo Boo' that deserves to be ridiculed.

**Grimmjow:** What's that about?

**Rogue and Rangiku: *smirk evilly*** it's a surprize


End file.
